November 4, 2017
As I strip away the layers and layers of bullshit guising my personality, I become more and more awestruck at how profoundly digestive dysfunction has skewed my concept of myself, my goals in life, my goals each day, the methods I use to manage my problems, the vices I use to manage my problems, the thought processes that drive my moods, my ability to just be happy, content, peaceful, etc., etc., etc.
Honestly, at this point when I “peel” away another layer of disillusionment, I am no longer dumbfounded by my genuine identity because a) it has just happened way too many times and b) I simply remember who I am as the brain fog that muddled my memory for so long lifts simultaneously.
This amnesia-like trance features two parts: throughout 2015 I was totally lost, and while I knew something was wrong I had no idea what. I couldn’t recall who I was but I felt off, like I was living the life of someone else yet I inhabited the same body. The fact that all of my memories alluded me warped my concept of who I had always been; having no template to go off of, I referred only to present mentalities for guidance. I now realize I had unintentionally forgotten myself, a product of emotional suppression intermingled with fear–of coping, my sombering outlook, and furthermore the future if I were to remain in such a corrupt state. Time played an important role here as well; the momentary disparity between healthy, vital Riley and sick Riley not only aided in my lapse of judgment, but negated any prepotency to treat my current mindset as temporary, unfixed, and thus subject to improvement. When I allowed myself to (briefly) contemplate my current condition, it seemed to span a lifetime; I couldn’t even remember when it began. A quick change in thought permitted makeshift relief, from which disorder remained, and the disease process progressed.
I have spent the rest of my journey rediscovering myself through the establishment of once-erect foundations, those that failed to withstand the impact of trauma and allowed lesser qualities to subjugate my character, as well as by establishing my own via the solidification of the higher. These foundations naturally arise out of healing; as the body restores itself, the mind follows suit. An inclination towards elevation ensures the personality is not only revived, but enlightened.
I can give you hundreds of examples of how the veil of moderate (yet rapidly advancing) disorder dominated my personality, my psyche, my light; I will surely mention the majority of them at some point or another throughout this website. But before I get into those that apply to this article, I must first establish why mental and physical ailments of any kind matter, why you shouldn’t sweep yours under the rug, and why even if you show no overt signs of distress (which you may or may not pick up on) you should consider a restorative regimen*, especially if you have encountered some form of “toxicity”–that is, trauma that has left a lasting impression on your intrinsic ability to maintain homeostasis–in your lifetime.
I bet you can guess what reasoning I’m referring to (look at the title!!): your personality may be altered in ways in which you remain unaware. This concept applies to more than just digestive malfunction induced by the Standard American Diet; at some point in your past, your health has likely been compromised by physical trauma (food poisoning, the flu, birth control, cellulitis, birth complications, ardent chemical exposure–rampant in our society–malnutrition, bronchitis, and more), mental/emotional trauma (neglect, rape, abuse, shock, grief, betrayal, disappointment, chronic lack of love, unfulfilled desire for love, parental emotional detachment, etc.), or mental/emotional/physical trauma exacerbated by methods used to “heal”/avoid/suppress it (pharmaceuticals, antibiotics, recreational drugs, alcohol, escapism, idealism, the like). Genealogy also plays a role in disequilibrium, whether the illness it purports presents itself from birth or manifests later on in life due to a vital disturbance; in any event, every individual is predisposed to certain ailments because every individual possesses a different physical and emotional makeup. One person’s struggle is another person’s opportunity for growth (or perhaps something they’ve overcome in a former life)—the duration, and proximity, of any number of traumas compounds this fate.
Miasms should be noted here.
All malady-inducing circumstances impress disorder within both spheres–the body and mind–as strife in one front necessarily dishevels the other; however, some gear more toward self-fulfillment in that they manifest mentalities, in those who are so inclined, that directly harm the corporeal. Eating-disordered behavior, self-harm, and the aforementioned usage of damaging vices all fall under this category, but trauma will always sustain itself when the affected fail to rectify the mentalities, or physicalities, that arise out of their suffering. Make no mistake: if you knowingly possess a chronic deformity (allergies, acne, constipation, diarrhea, bronchitis, emphysema, warts, heart problems, gallstones, kidney stones, asthma), you are less happy than you could be. The body is in as state of dis-ease and so are you, whether you realize it or not, whether you realize your mental welfare is being hindered or not. Some display signs of psychological disquietude without as much physical pathology to show for it (and vice versa), increasing the likelihood of the unrealized altered personality; poor coping mechanisms (emotional suppression), allopathic medicine (further suppression), social norms, and the wide array of FDA-approved substances that piece-by-piece manifest a whole lot of toxicity ensure we never recover from former traumas, nor do we ever unearth an avenue to doing so. Ignorance to the nature of malady, as well as how to heal it, permits the fruition of unnatural behaviors, lower behaviors (yet our own, as earthly beings, nonetheless), those that so often subjugate us without our knowledge or understanding… Seeing as we raise our children on processed crap, susceptible to value systems that promote conformity, stifle ingenuity, and within this context shun those that do not live up to the standards we hold so dear, it’s no wonder we’re all so wounded.
Disorder ranges from mild to severe; some of us haven’t encountered life-altering hardships and may feel quite stable as a result. Others, however, have coped with (or have avoided coping with) suffocating, disruptive disturbances to their vitality such as the loss of a loved one, a former lifestyle, the self (which almost always coincides with the effects of other traumas, at least to some degree), or any of the (sometimes physical) triggers of woe I mentioned before. When such events occur at a young age, wherein the mind and body are feeble, underdeveloped, and greatly susceptible to hurt, it is even more likely that chronic ailments arise without acknowledgement from the sufferer. An initial threat to homeostasis may rouse self-defensive, albeit unintentionally-destructive, mechanisms in the unsuspecting, from which suppression, along with ignorance to the way things once were, and could be, sustains disorder. The disease process may then subtly progress until its manifestations can no longer be ignored (think cancer). Indeed, there are many layers of less-than-happy–rather, less-than-whole–we may assume before reaching depressed; physical afflictions follow the same formula. Unfortunately, we pay the price of awareness, as “disorder”–literally, confusion of mental and physiological process–veils how we truly feel in regard to, and thus how we may heal, not only our past sufferings, but our defunct mindsets in general. Suppressed emotion does not just concern one event, person, or mentality in question, but all of them. You may realize you show your lowest self to your ex-partner who cheated on you, but do you realize that your anger reflects a greater issue, one that manifests itself in every aspect of your life? That when you hold onto anger, and therefore do not release that emotion or whatever underlies it, you are less happy at all times? Trauma, once again, permanently impresses disorder on the vital force (the intrinsic mechanism by which we maintain homeostasis) until that disorder is rectified through growth. The resulting disharmony permeates every facet of the being, driving the altered character simply because it subliminally masks parts of the whole (emotional/physiological welfare), a state that will always compromise a soul’s journey toward the higher.
The whole soul is aware of every facet of the self.
In order for you, the soul, to fully embody endowments within, all inversions of higher qualities must be acknowledged and subsequently conquered; otherwise, the impact of trauma will remain untouched and unexpressed deep in the interior of your psyche. The by-products of these open wounds will manipulate the conscious via the subconscious, desperate for release, prompting behavior that would not exist had you been restored back to your natural state following the incident that incited disharmonization. Depression is not real, anxiety is not real, most mood and/or physical disorders are not real in the sense that they are inevitable; instead, they arise out of faulty homeostatic mechanisms, out of disturbances to the careful processes by which the body and mind operate, and can be mended, despite what you may have been led to believe, by stimulants–to regeneration and self-discovery–when we cannot do it for ourselves.
As noted, severe ailments are not the only indications of disharmony. Those in a mild state of disequilibrium, a state most people assume at some point or another throughout their lives (as exemplified by the aforementioned acne, allergies, chronic bronchitis, heartburn, etc.), may experience a propensity toward other facets of the sly lower self, such as restlessness, workaholism, an inability to commit, an inability to thrive, irritability, aggressiveness, passive-aggressiveness, lack of motivation, hypersexuality, etc. These mentalities must accompany an almost unnoticeable depression or anxiety, due to which the affected still consider themselves “happy”, albeit different than they were in their younger years, and once again, could be. Depression of bodily processes must depress the mind, and vice versa; similarly, corporeal operations that fail to function optimally will inevitably cause some anxious disquietude (which is why people who “do” homeopathy not only express that they feel the happiest they’ve ever been, but the calmest). The continuous expression of, and submission to, the altered personality disrupts the totality of the being, its energetic flow… Normative behaviors (like the pursuit of status, fame, and ultimately conformity in an effort, for example, to reconcile one’s inherent lack of self-esteem), as well as health norms purported by Western medicine (such as the regard to bloating, cramps during menstruation, allergies, or using the bathroom every three days as typical, natural, acceptable, unavoidable), while deceptive in that they prevent the moderately-disordered from ever seeking a means to true healing, unaware that their dissatisfactions can be mended, also inhibit the actualization of the true self in that they suppress the ability to wholly feel, that capacity to relish that makes us us. The ability to connect with oneself, to others, and even life utterly depends on our inclination to embed ourselves in it, to bathe in the glory of unabridged awe. Surely no adventure or discovery is as fruitful when semi-experienced, when hindered by blockages to which the experiencer remains ignorant…
Bandages purported by the allopathic community confound avenues to whole-fulfillment because they fail to unearth the source of chronic woe, and thus the avenue to the higher self, in fact suppressing this journey (therefore exacerbating the disorder that already exists). The symptoms associated with any illness, both in body and mind, reflect the vital force’s attempt to mend imbalances within; thus, “fixing” superficial manifestations of disorder with drugs only compels it to seek detoxification elsewhere–that is, via necessarily worsened symptoms–from which graver malady arises. For example, if you have a runny nose, Western medicine will attempt to stuff it up. Homeopathic remedies, on the other hand, compel the runny nose to “run” until the disorder remains no longer. After a trial period of healing with these remedies, the duration of which varies given how disturbed you are and how long you have spent in such a state, medicines are never needed again (save acute ailments and future traumas you do not recover from). Because the disease process is just that–a process–homeopathy can, in effect, prevent people from developing severe ailments like cancer because it “nips it [the disorder] in the bud” before it has the time to maturate and turn into something much, much worse than the allergies–in effect, the altered personality–you originally developed as a kid.
Ultimately, if we are to maximize our learning potential in this lifetime, to solidify the higher qualities that ensure no being ever suffers, we need a solid foundation on which we may grow–what makes growth easier and that much more accessible to us. We can then actively work to manage instigators of recurrent ailment, to amplified lesser traits, not only on a micro level, but on a macro scale. All lifeforms will eventually harmonize with the attainment of widespread morality; morality is, in fact, a by-product of the higher self. Homeopathy aids in the plight of the majority, endowing us with the capacity to overcome our lower selves (and certainly, The Ego) simply because they are so identifiable throughout treatment. We are furthermore bestowed with strength to endure: the degradation of each layer of illness brings forth all corresponding emotions, both low and high, permitting full sentience of what may have been too heavy for us to manage at the time of impact. This time, the forward-motion of cure acts as a propellant, a stimulant, a guide to elevation; the result is liberation, a life without hindrance. Even those that do not believe they have anything to work through will be surprised by the way in which homeopathy tends to foster self-reflection, compelling them not only to pay attention to but to cultivate their potential to rise above… The happiest people are, undoubtedly, those least affected by their own negativity–those who have, in fact, eradicated their lower selves.
ON THE WHOLE:
The Effect The Altered Personality has on the Masses
My journey, from its roots to its branches, serves as a microcosm for the whole. I’m essentially the poster child for the potentially-growth-stunting effects of an inhibited mind due to suppression, and my digestive issues weren’t even that overt until the end of 2015, almost a year after they commenced. The oddball mentalities that accompanied my downward spiral showed far greater signs of compromised welfare; I went through a wide range of emotions as I declined, the origin of which I could not fathom. Thus, I treated my altered personality as intrinsic: I was depressed, I was moody, I didn’t like to go out, I felt secure at home, my thoughts raced, I always had to be doing something, etc. The unacknowledged controlled me without my consent, for my original defense mechanisms, those I had involuntarily contrived at the onslaught of indisposition, failed me. Because these mechanisms arise out of fear, they don’t actually serve the soul; the unlearned subconscious may self-destruct in this respect. Once real defenses are set place, however, through the awareness that gives rise to their formation, the conscious no longer has to regulate underlying motivation, no longer has to regulate growth. It simply is. (The higher has been solidified.)
When I realized I could attribute my once-accepted nature to disorder extrinsic to me, I felt driven to overcome my newfound mental afflictions; knowing that these emotions were not me**, that I was not meant to writhe in such onerous mentalities, gave me faith. Because of my struggle, I have reached spiritual pinnacles I never could have envisioned for myself… So is the case with suffering and subsequent enlightenment; as we subjugate our lower selves in our lowest states, we reach new heights at our highest. The unknowingly censored, however, will reach for a Xanax in an attempt to avoid coping with past (perhaps unrealized) troubles, or Benadryl to quell the allergies that reflect something greater than their runny noses; unfortunately, they will then drive their imbalances deeper within, largely because they remain unaware of a curative alternative, both external (holistic) and internal (self-induced). We have the power to mend ourselves merely by mending the deficiencies that enslave us, but because allopathic medicine adheres so vehemently to the reality of the tangible (germs, everywhere!), the sole reality of the tangible, when the acquisition of disease, even communicable disease, concerns far more than just pure physicality, we continually fail to recognize the control we possess over the course of disorder, in fact preventing it when we build the internal defenses that ensure external darkness never permeates our light.
I have come to the unfortunate conclusion, as a victim of Western pharmaceutical principles (I was offered Xanax multiple times for my “anxiety” despite my obvious digestive distress), that we are systematically stifled by suppressed illness, which feeble foundations perpetuate in and of themselves. We are fed processed junk from birth, taught to bandage our illnesses with chemical-laden pills, to not question the intent of major industries meant to heal us despite obvious examples of their greed (such as the prevalence of unnecessary gallbladder-removal surgeries, or the enthusiasm with which “healers” prescribe adderall to young children), and to remain reliant on a system–both medical and social in nature–that keeps us perpetually sick, perpetually bound, in order to make a profit. Our ill exist somewhere in between completely debilitated and vital; for those who are totally inhibited by their poor health, especially in the face of GI dysfunction, allopathic medicine offers little hope (which most in that condition will realize; a “last resort”–homeopathy–is often then sought). Unfortunately for us, the restorative capacity of natural medicine has been concealed by the cheap means through which we synthesize: crap food, crap drugs, mass distribution and easy money. Falsified information surely plays a role too. A healthy diet, preventative medicine, constitutes the first step to the welfare of our people, but we instead have consumers forever hooked on junk food and pseudo-remedies, whereby they poison themselves and grant their offenders the right to clean hands. Make no mistake, the mass production of toxicity is not only unethical, but sinister. Sugar is perhaps one of the most addictive substances known to man, and it’s in everything… When we’re hooked, we’re hooked, and most of us are from the time we can fit Oreos into our mouths.
We must free ourselves from the constraints of profit-making principles in favor of addressing triggers to illness, eliminating those we can, and permanently restoring the health of those that have fallen victim to ill-intended practices. Think how much happier, motivated, and vibrant we would all be if we weren’t in a Valium-induced brain fog. The most unsettling facet of my altered mindset, one that I did not realize was so inhibited by illness, was my lack of compassion in 2015. I didn’t feel as much; my veganism was based on principal, and I lost sight of my vitality and quite frankly some of my concern for the vitality of others. This status very much resembles the (any) drug-induced fog of victimized Americans: we become zombies of our former selves. We become preoccupied with our own problems, our own mental complaints, which we believe to be normal because of how many others unnecessarily suffer from similar states (whether they take pharmaceuticals or not, we take notes from our peers). Essentially, we’ve lowered our standards. The physical manifestations of past trauma follow the same formula. We are deafened on all planes by unreleased toxicity.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned throughout this experience, it’s how sacred the mind is. This notion extends beyond properly-functioning mental faculties, which persist in spite of the mildly-altered personality (hazy thinking doesn’t settle in for quite a few “layers” of disorder); we, our genuine selves, are identifiable by the contents of our thoughts. The modification of inverted qualities into their highest form, into the whole soul, depends on the choices made by an individual through cerebration, which will always require less work when pathways are clear and predisposed to positivity, to emotion. Illness distorts the identity through the exacerbation of the lower, dampening the framework on which we may engage in connectivity, that cognizance that drives us to reflect, release, and transform; sorrow inevitably traps us in a ceaseless state of never well since, a condition the cycle of pill-popping sustains. If this temporary status is overcome through the manifestation of a fruitful reality, disorder may also strengthen the resolve of the soul–we can thank Big Pharma for prolonging our battles. The mental torment of illness, whether inflamed by allopathic medicine or not, forces us to learn how to modify our perceptions so that we may do so indefinitely. We then carry these lessons throughout our lifetime beyond the resolution of sickness, transforming negativity within ourselves and by the hands of others as we go along; the highest self possesses the resolve to withstand all obstacles, as all harmonious defenses have been enacted whilst retaining the sensitivity of receptivity–that is, without “blockage”. When utilizing a means to healing provided by nature, the purveyor of wisdom, unraveling layers of toxicity allows us to embrace and subsequently metamorphose our vulnerabilities into assets (weaknesses, no longer); the lessons of temporary strife then bolster our ability to interpret future hardships.
*People who do not possess–rather, suffer from–some form of “disorder” (acne, fatigue, heart problems, digestive distress, skin eruptions, anxiety, depression, irritability, etc.) do not need homeopathy. Homeopathy only heals people that need to be healed, for it is real medicine for real problems. Now, the “altered personality” comes into play when people have real problems they don’t even know about because:
- They have been lied to about the true nature of malady as well as how to mend it (taking an inhaler one’s whole life does not constitute real healing, wherein medicines are never needed again after stimulating the body to restore itself (mental illness follows the same formula));
- They don’t realize they are less happy than they could be (usually identifiable by comparing one’s current mental state to that of their childhood, although some poor souls have been traumatized since birth or at a very young age);
- They have such low standards of mental/physical health, and perhaps do not feel a way out exists, that they are content to live out the rest of their lives half-ass, avoiding their problems, latching onto their vices, and failing to grow.
EXAMPLES OF THE ALTERED PERSONALITY (which in instances of heavy disorder are heavily exacerbated, and likewise in mild cases may barely surface):
- Inability to cope
- Inability to commit–to people, events, or responsibilities
- Inability to relax (restlessness)
- Inability to merely enjoy the present moment
- Inability to connect with others
- Inability to feel for others
- Inability to feel for yourself
- Lack of emotional “grounding”, consistency; i.e. moods always changing
- Lack of love for things that used to bring you great joy
- Lack of motivation–to accomplish goals, to initiate goals, to go out, to socialize, to take care of responsibilities, to exercise, to change your life for the better, to better the lives of others, to implement moral behaviors and/or overcome your ego (you’re not only depressed, you’re stuck)
- Loss of sense of self
- Loss of sense of kinship/emotional ties to your family (oftentimes your parents and siblings), or friends
- A tendency to pretend everything’s OK
- A nagging feeling that everything’s not OK (what are you suppressing?)
- Irritability of all kinds, brought on by various scenarios
- Oversensitivity (to noise, light, criticism, other people’s emotions, etc.)
- Insecurity (in social settings, in relationships, in the presence of friends/family/one person who may have harmed you, about your academic adequacy, about your looks, about your worth in general, etc.)
- FEAR (of something bad about to happen, of failure, of thunderstorms, of other people (perhap indicating former sexual abuse), of water, of the ocean, of animals, of heights, of evil, of what the afterlife constitutes, and so many more). These fears can be expressed mildly or severely, perhaps only when someone or some scenario strikes a nerve.
- Tendency toward panic attacks/panicky feeling over trifles
- Tendency toward panic attacks/panicky feeling over situations others do not consider to be a big deal
- Sensitivity to disorder and confusion (outward disarray makes the inward feel cluttered)
- VICE USAGE: food addiction, alcoholism (even looking forward to escaping on the weekend, every weekend! Why aren’t you content in your own mind the majority of the time?), a reliance on cocaine/weed/prescription drugs/etc. to have fun or to even to enjoy life
- An attachment to certain people or people in general to make you feel whole (more vice usage)
- Low libido
- Failure to enjoy sex
- Sex all you can think about
- Brain fog (not as “sharp” as you used to be)
- Poor short-term or long-term memory
- Touchiness/easily offended
- You think others think less of you than they do (your insecurities projected onto them)
- Melancholia: how long has it been since you’ve been happy, really happy?
- Overwhelming nostalgia to get back to the “good old days”, so much so that you don’t love the now
- Must always be cleaning
- Must always be socializing, perhaps combined with FOMO
- Must always be traveling
- Misplaced idealism (this [person, place or thing] will change everything)
- Never well since (some traumatic event)
- Children who are prone to tantrums, are exceedingly difficult, cannot sit still, refuse to do their homework, are extremely fearful/clingy, cannot sleep, will not eat, always get sick, get tummy upsets from various foods, tire easily, anything that impedes normal, optimal function can likely benefit from homeopathy.
and so many more…
**Philosophically-speaking–that is, my philosophically-speaking–the lower self is not intrinsic to the soul, for it is temporary and will cease to exist once all higher qualities have been “solidified“. The exacerbated lower self is a natural byproduct of disorder, and reflects deficiencies in the vital force: what we have yet to work on, or did not finish working on, in past lives. Thus, it reflects us as earthly beings, not souls. Now, even as disordered and out of my mind with discomfort I was at my lowest, the troublesome mentalities I struggled to work through in some way, somehow, fit into the grand schema of (earthly) Riley. And yet, some of these dilemmas didn’t seem to directly indicate what I am due to learn, but paved way for indirect lessons nonetheless. For example, my fear of my heart forced me not necessarily to contrive some way to ignore my incessant heart palpitations, but to develop emotional boundaries between myself and others so that I wouldn’t get worked up when they were distressed (Phosphorus).
- McCabe, Vinton. Let Like Cure Like. St Martins Press, 1997. Print.
- McCabe, Vinton. Practical Homeopathy. St Martins Press, 2000. Print.
- Owen, David K., Bob Leckridge, and Peter Fisher. Principles and Practice of Homeopathy: The Therapeutic and Healing Process. London: Singing Dragon, 2015. Print.