Who Am I, Really? Part 2

Riley Coules
October 3, 2016

I have spent the majority of the last couple years questioning who I am, what drives certain qualities of mine, and what the hell it is I’m constantly fighting. In fact, that phrase serves as a microcosm for the battle I’ve engaged in during this time period as a whole; nothing has come easy, not even my personality. I will visit this concept over and over and over again: severe digestive issues will alter your personality. Remedying these severe digestive issues will alter your personality, especially if you endure an intense healing crisis. I didn’t know myself until I began cleansing and slowly but surely chipped away at the layers of negativity and toxicity that had suffocated me for years prior. I caught glimpses of the real me and pushed for it to resurface, to just exist without me manifesting my reality. I was so heavily burdened by emotions that weren’t mine, it’s no wonder those closest to me questioned my mental well-being. My mother asked after numerous episodes of heavy depression brought on by intense cleansing, “are you sure you aren’t depressed, honey?”. I always replied that yes, I was sure, and I knew it. I knew it because these emotions were so fleeting, so precise in their development, and perfectly coordinated with the cycles of detox I engaged in. My melancholia consistently followed my intake of herbs, a meal of coconut and pineapple, and to a lesser degree my healing journey with homeopathy. Within these contexts I caught breaks, where I could truly decipher my personality. I was happy during these times, tranquil, content. The same concept applies to anxiety; I suffered from a racing heart throughout the majority of my healing crisis, but it never resembled the magnitude of the palpitations and fluttering I experienced from mid-July onward. Personal afflictions during these times again led my mom to question after a few phone calls of “I literally feel like I’m going to pass out all of the time” if I wasn’t just concerned about current circumstances. By that time I managed physical and mental anxiety so well I knew that my body was under serious amounts of stress. Cleansing had damaged my organs and digestive functioning.