In Spite of Emotional Barriers

Riley Coules
July 24, 2016

I want you to envision the conditions in which you find yourself your happiest.


Mine are as follows:

I’m well.

My friends and family are well.

I’ve accomplished my goals for the day.

I’ve had some me time, but plan to share myself with others later on.

I feel productive, physically and mentally capable, fulfilled, and ready to satisfy my social needs.



I will now explicate the standard conditions of the past nine months that have thwarted my ideal day’s fruition:

I haven’t had a clear thought since I woke up.

I have duties to effectuate but I can’t bring myself to get out of bed.

I haven’t slept in 3 days.

Walking to my car makes me feel like I’m going to pass out.

I’m depressed.

I’m anxious.

I’m tired of regulating my mood.

When will I get better?

My friends are going to a show tonight; I’d like to have fun again.

No one is home to provide me with solace.

I don’t want to be alone anymore.

Why is this so hard?

I’m unhappy.



Healing my body has not been easy, but rising above the mental and emotional distortion this process brings has challenged me far more.


I commenced this journey at 88 pounds, emaciated, dispirited, and worn. When I began cleansing myself of the negativity that afflicted me for a year prior (and upon reflection, since high school to a mild degree), I realized that the road to recovery would be paved with similar obstacles, as it will for the majority who embark on their journey to health.


In order to fully eradicate the uninvited from their host, the body must act as a vessel through which internalized negativity dissipates into the outside world; the host will absorb the mental and emotional by-products of their demise as a result. It is the job of the moderator to interpret these emotions as such, or rise above them.


The ramifications of die-off very much resemble that of prolonged infection: angst, anxiety, depression, the like. During the infestation period, such affections epitomize tension within, the body’s inability carry out essential processes without impediment. Throughout detoxification, however, these mentalities stem from the creatures themselves, for in their death they fear, fret, and distress just as we do. Forced to mediate the internal and the external, the host must intellectualize any troublesome emotions encountered for what they truly are- for what any emotions truly are, for that matter- fleeting, alterable, and external to the soul, in which only higher qualities and their sentiments reside. Yes, even emotions can be rationalized, just like our thoughts- via our thoughts, in fact- upon the realization that they are extrinsic to the being, done onto us, and thus within the realm of control.


Throughout the course of my healing journey, I experienced a wide range of oppressive moods, during which time, when nothing in my immediate future seemed to bring me joy, I ‘realized’ I was depressed. Upon this evaluation, I would think to myself, I am depressed. When pessimism followed a specific anti-yeast/parasite practice, however, or a dose of my remedy, I rationalized how I felt as a product of something external to me. In doing so, I made the conscious decision to alter my interpretation of my mood because I reasoned that the source of my negativity was not me. This cerebration brings up the point:


Can I not treat all emotions as external to me?


I am a soul comprised solely of higher qualities; all negativity is done onto me in this lifetime. Trauma, my lower self, and all behaviors that arise out of those two vehicles- those instigators to self-destruction- will not define me once I solidify my positive attributes, once I am whole. Until then, I must unearth an avenue to self-fulfillment, to soul-fulfillment, wherein all negative influences require my consent if they are to infiltrate my sphere of harmony. This avenue? Mediation and creation.


I mediate and I create. 



Manifesting the higher self requires cognitive reflection. Emotions, if they are to be modified in the our favor, require cognitive reflection. The process of awareness, assessment, and subsequent transformation embraces a filtration system in which the host disassociates zirself from the turmoil of trauma, only to reassociate zirself to the turmoil of trauma once a path to realization, acceptance, and elevation has been enacted.


When we never recover from, or even correlate our negativity to a specific instance in the past, we treat our altered personalities as innate- our mental states, natural. All the while, an alteration in the elaborate and interwoven complex of mood regulation must drive our inability to be happy, for a harmonized vital force will never incite random bouts of depression, nor anxiety for that matter. What we treat as mental “anxiety” is merely an amplification of disequilibrium within when unpleasant thoughts permeate the psyche; thus, mending the being in totality will mend the intensity of our reactions to the external. Once again, we hold the power, and restoration will further our grip on the reality of the soul, on our ability to manifest, if and only if we strive for it. Otherwise, we may as well never have suffered. Disequilibrium is not eternal, nor is it telling of the soul; the vesicle through which we experience this life divides the external from the internal, and the fleeting from the enduring, providing us with the opportunity to set forth the higher via mediation and creation.


Properties divinely determined ensure that our organs, tissues, cells, etc. systematically carry out processes that drive restoration. The way in which the mind experiences labors of the body is divinely determined, for we do not choose the lower qualities we strive to subjugate. Any negativity we assume in this lifetime, both in illness and throughout the healing journey, reflects a battle we necessarily fight; triggers to disorder vary from person to person, as do the mechanisms whereby the body and mind regenerate.


We are meant to heal in this manner in this lifetime. 


Disequilibrium challenges us to modify our interpretation of the external in the wake of internal, unavoidable distress. Once the vital force is restored, however, the internal will no longer threaten the manifestation of a positive reality, but the external will continue to do so. Thus, it is our duty as souls in pursuit of the higher to not only exist, but to elevate throughout the healing journey. Detoxification provides us with the awareness (of toxicity), the strength (to mediate it), and the will (to transform it) in order to protect ourselves from threats of the same kind in the future. 


To consummate, emotional regulation and reconstruction accompanies, and metamorphoses the product of, the trauma-restoration schema, if the host so chooses to engage in it. Therefore, a depressed body and mind, once healed, will result in:






It’s a choice.


Notice we’re not suppressing, but opening our perspective