- Your broke friend owes you money (yes, I delineated on this topic already, but this rendition is about you). You don’t need it, as you’re well off yourself. Your only problem at this point is that you don’t want the other person thinking they can take advantage of you. But in demanding the money they owe you- when you would otherwise forgive them of their debts- you exercise your control over them. The source, thus, is control; you can make it about them, but even if they have a history of evading responsibilities, is it really your job to force them into growth? That you must ask yourself. And maybe it is your job… in which case you must evaluate whether it’s worth it or not to enforce the rules- and not for you, but for them. This one sounds really personal because it is (although I’m not well off by any means 😉 ).
- The way in which a family member/friend/acquaintance behaves really bothers you, although it is not threatening; in fact, you’re only bothered by how nonthreatening they are. Maybe it’s their laugh, their wallflower disposition, or the way in which they need you in a needy way. Your instinct is to shut them down, to not laugh at their jokes, or make them feel good about themselves. Aside from the fact that those instincts are just plain mean, you must realize that there is a reason they irk you, and it has nothing to do with them. In fact, it is not their weakness you denounce, but your own. Let me explain. What we see in others is a reflection of ourselves; we all know this by now. But do we realize that our criticisms exemplify the unrealistic, suffocating standards we hold for ourselves, often in opposition to the identities we wish we could just embody? Perhaps your criticisms further reflect resentment. But why would you resent when you could release? That negativity you harbor affects more than just the person it’s directed at.
- I have a few solutions here, but not all will apply to your very specific circumstance. In the event that you detest the weakness you easily detect in others (Scorpio, I’m talking to you here): consider that their weaknesses do not actually make them weak. Perhaps they lack a backbone because they are in a state of disequilibrium, because some trauma in their past has made them tamer versions of themselves; maybe your traumas have made you “tougher”. But what is your toughness, really? Is it kindness and understanding, or compassion for your fellow man? Is it an awareness of yourself and how you see others because of your own reflections (or lack thereof)?
- give you a reason to shut them down Their idiosyncrasies, as a consequence, irk your idiosyncrasies.